Mourning with Paris, Mourning with the World

    My heart goes out to France. Too many innocent lost their lives or lost someone that they love. Too many were hurt and left to remember the horror and pain witnessed on Friday evening. I pray for them. I hope that they can heal and I hope that there will be some good to come of this tragedy.

    However I hate to admit that I was not as affected by this emotionally as maybe I should be. Last night a notification popped up on the computer that said there were terrorist attacks in progress in Paris. I was saddened for them, but it was all too familiar. You see, these things are happening every day. Maybe not in such a prominent place, or maybe not in such large numbers, but people are being killed or terrorized every day by those whose hearts have turned cold. I’ve gotten used to it; I’m definitely not okay with it, but it’s become the norm.

    But after thinking through this, I’ve decided that not only do I not want it to be, but it can’t be the norm anymore. Yes, the attacks and unrest will continue. We won’t have peace here until a great change is made. But I can decide and we can decide not to be unaffected by the commonness of the pain going around. If one or fifty or five hundred souls are lost or even hurt, we need to care. We need to reach out. In this cruel and cold world we are the only ones that each other have. We are the only ones who can bring light into the darkness. 

    So let us mourn with those that mourn. And let us comfort those that stand in need of comfort, (Mosiah 18:9). We need not only to stand with Paris, but with all of those who may be suffering.

12 Things to Decide Before Getting Married

Before you get married and as a newlywed, everyone from your uncle to your classmate’s best friend will tease you about the easiness of marriage when you are a honeymooner. You’ll get newlywed jokes for the first few years, at least. These jokes may imply that the beginnings of marriage are easy, however to put it frankly, it’s not. It’s wonderful, believe me. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But it’s not always rainbows and sunshine. Making two lives into one was never easy.

However I’m a big believer in making decisions about your life, especially about your marriage, in advance. Deciding on the important things with your spouse before you tie the knot will make your transition a little less painful when the heat is on and a lot more stress free when it really counts.

Plan a date night (or multiple) and discuss the following topics with your sweetheart:

12 Things to decide on as a couple before you get married

1. Life goals, individually and as a couple.
2. Old and new traditions.
3. What kind of media you will have in your home (movies, video games, music, etc.)
4. How you will spend holidays.
5. How you will budget and manage your money together.
6. What you will value spiritually as a family.
7. The significance and role of intimacy in your marriage.
8. Standards for cleanliness in the home.
9. Goals for how you will resolve conflict.
10. Educational aspirations.
11. Career aspirations for each spouse.
12. How the children will be reared.

Comment below and tell me what else you think a couple should discuss before marriage!

When love isn't about romance.

   

     When my husband and I were dating he told me he loved me first. My stomach didn't do flips or fill itself with butterflies. However my heart did fill with peace and I felt more loved than I had previously believed I deserved. He and I both knew that I wasn't ready to say that to him yet, so I just smiled, hugged him, and said "I know."

     In English we have one word for love…love. We have a few other words that mean similar things or are components of love, but love is the overarching word that we use to describe most good feelings.

     I'm a big fan of romance...but not in a Nicholas Sparks' love story, passion-filled sort of way. While we dated Kyle left notes on my doorstep almost every morning and melted my little heart. We had fun and enjoyed each other, but life also threw us some hard days. When we were engaged, we knew that getting married to each other was the best choice we could both make and we loved each other very much. We were happy, but life was hard. Since we’ve been married, we’ve had more joy than we both believed we could have or deserve, but we’ve also had our share of tough days.

     The truth is that joy and happiness didn’t just happen. We didn’t simply fall in love and become really happy because we were finally in love and all of the sudden it was all okay. We have found joy and happiness in our relationship because of the difficulties that we overcame separately and together. We are grateful for the hard days or weeks or months that we’ve had because when finally resolved, they have brought us closer than we ever could have been because of a few happy moments.

In the Greek language there are four words for love:

Eros is romantic or sexual love.
Philia is the kind of love between friends who take care of each other.
Storge is the love that a parent has for a child.
Agape is the kind of love that motivates us to improve another’s life.

     One way to jip yourself, your partner, and your relationship is to focus completely on eros. Love is and can be so much more than romance. It is about going to get some socks for your wife because her feet are cold. It is about rubbing your husband's back because he's had a really hard day. It is about letting your wife cry on your shoulder for the third time this week for a reason that even she doesn't know. It's about listening to your spouse share their hurt feelings without taking personal offense. It's about digging a smile out of the one you love when things aren't going right for either one of you.

     Relationships are hard, marriage is hard, and most of all life is hard. We can't fix everything, but we can bring joy, peace, hope, and love to the ones whom we choose to love the most.

Somewhere to Belong

We live in a world where people are aching to belong somewhere. We get lonely. So many feel an emptiness inside of them that they can’t seem to fill. They try to fill it with media. They try to fill it by trying to fit in. They try to fill it with having fun. They fill it with their careers. They fill this emptiness with addiction. They try not to care that the emptiness is still there, even though deep down they do.

Why do so many feel empty? Why do they feel alone? We live in a society where the family is no longer the rule, it’s the exception. People are missing a mom, or a dad, or they’re missing both. Or they have both but are splitting time with them. Some are aching for a family to love but have lives that are lacking the opportunity. Some have found the one they love but can’t seem to make the commitment of giving their whole hearts and lives.

Divorce rates have risen. The age at which people get married has risen. Extramarital intimacy has risen. The number of children families choose to have has fallen.

What can be done? Children deserve to be born into homes and families that will love them with all of their hearts. A man deserves to have a wife who will respect him and be loyal to him. He deserves to feel loved and worthy of that love. A woman deserves to have a husband who is head over heels in love with her. She deserves to be taken care of and to be able to take care of those that she loves.

Families are the only places that these special experiences can exist. Families teach us to truly and deeply love others. Families teach us to forgive. Families teach us to be selfless and to take care of another in their need.

What can you do? Love your family. Be there for them. Love your friends who do not have a family. Be their family and show them what that really means.

Our world deserves more love. It deserves more selflessness. It deserves more forgiveness, more understanding. Our world needs more family. Everyone deserves to belong somewhere.