Desperately Lacking Peace

If you’re anything like me, you look at the news and it makes you cringe. There's a new shooting every few days or weeks. There's a growing disrespect for police and military. I have a growing distrust of politicians and their morals that are nowhere to be found. There are stories about the unspeakable being done to children on a daily basis. Our laws are being changed to fit our lifestyles, not our lifestyles requiring us to live up to the law. Another friend is getting divorced after years of what seemed like a great marriage. There have always been issues in the world, but I'm not sure there have ever been quite so many. 

25% of children in white families grow up in a single parent household in the United States. 42% of Hispanic or Latino children grow up with only one parent in the home. 67% of African American children grow up in a single parent household.

From what I have observed, a major contributor to our pains and struggles in society are due to the fact that we are full of broken marriages and broken families. We don’t have the stability and the support systems that we used to. Children grow up without present fathers and oddly don’t know how to have respect for authority or what it means to be responsible for a family. Children grow up without mothers and they don’t know how to be nurturing or understanding of other’s needs. They don’t know how to look outside themselves and take care of those around them.

Having a mother and a father is one of the biggest advantages a child can have. By watching their parents they learn what marriage really is. They learn how to put someone else before themselves. They learn how to rely on someone else and how to be there for someone else. Having siblings teaches children how to be respectful to the people around them. They learn how to interact with their peers and that they can have a positive or negative influence on the lives of those around them. They learn how to love others unconditionally.

I’m not naïve enough to think that these issues can be solved quickly or that because I know these thing are important, they can be easily fixed. In most cases, it is what it is. You have the family you have and there isn’t a whole lot you can do to fix what has already been broken.

My suggestion is this: Let’s start where we are. Let’s be kind to the ones we do have. Let’s be grateful for the ones we do have, and let them know it. Let’s forgive each other for where we are lacking and move forward by trying to be a little better. Teach your children to love each other. Teach your children how to love and be kind by loving them and being kind to them.

We can’t fix everything, but we can work on our own homes and we can work on our own families. We can bring peace there, and in turn bring a little more peace to our world that is in desperate need of it.

Make Them Proud

This week in my Family Relations class we discussed the cultural differences of families. Every family is so different, and for so many reasons! It could be an ethnic background, where they were raised, how many kids are in the family, extended family, socio-economic status, religion, education levels, and so much more.

I watched a video about a family with a single mom and two kids. They lived in a really low income area of Ohio and they were extremely poor. I could tell that the family loved each other, but they were lacking a lot more than money. They were a bit broken by their lack of resources and I believe it took a toll on their relationships. The sons didn’t have a great deal of respect for their mom, who did the best that she could, but was still lacking some. The mother hoped to do much better, and carried her dreams for a better life with her daily. The sons didn’t believe in her dreams and they ended up following in her footsteps.

This family, and many others like it beg the question, why are we this way and what can be done? According to many studies, children are highly likely to follow in their parents footsteps in many ways, whether they recognize it or not. Parents love their children and they love their own parents. I think in many ways children hope that they will become at least a little bit like their own parents (because “hey, I turned out okay!”) But many also move forward with ideas of how they are going to be different.

The mother in this video explained that she grew up in a home with twenty-two children. She said that if her daddy saw her now and what she had made of her life, he would be proud. So I think that’s it. I think along with trying the best we can and learning from our parents, the best thing we can do is try to make them proud. We can try to do a little better and be a little better, but most of all, make our children proud to call us their parents. 

3 Traditions Your Family Should Start Now

1. Eat Dinner as a Family 

Prepare a meal. Even better if you make it together! Most families are too busy or just don’t make the time to stop and eat together. While I was growing up back home it was always a blessing to know that most nights we’d come together as a family and at least have some time where we could all be together and check in with each other. Life gets busy. If we let it pass by without stopping to be together, the kids will be grown up and gone before you’ve had a chance to stop, eat dinner together, and ask them about their day. 

2. Monthly/Bi-Monthly Interviews

Families should always be taking time to talk about life, but realistically (as previously mentioned) life gets busy. We get caught up in all of our responsibilities and the day to day grind. Children need to know that their parents are paying attention to them and want to hear about their days and their lives. If a child doesn’t feel like mom and dad are interested in what they have to say, they’ll stop sharing very quickly. Take some time. Ask about school. Ask about their friends. Ask about their frustrations. Ask about their interests. Discuss their fears. Discuss how they might solve their problems. They need you more than you think they do. 

3. Weekly Family Nights

Designate one night a week to spend an hour or so as a family. Plan ahead and get everyone involved. Learn a new skill together. Go for a family bike ride. Do service for someone you know is in need like raking your neighbors’ leaves. Make a new dessert together. Get in teams and come up with skits. Play some board games. Build memories together that your children will end up treasuring more than any big family vacation to Disney or fancy Christmas toys.

Somewhere to Belong

We live in a world where people are aching to belong somewhere. We get lonely. So many feel an emptiness inside of them that they can’t seem to fill. They try to fill it with media. They try to fill it by trying to fit in. They try to fill it with having fun. They fill it with their careers. They fill this emptiness with addiction. They try not to care that the emptiness is still there, even though deep down they do.

Why do so many feel empty? Why do they feel alone? We live in a society where the family is no longer the rule, it’s the exception. People are missing a mom, or a dad, or they’re missing both. Or they have both but are splitting time with them. Some are aching for a family to love but have lives that are lacking the opportunity. Some have found the one they love but can’t seem to make the commitment of giving their whole hearts and lives.

Divorce rates have risen. The age at which people get married has risen. Extramarital intimacy has risen. The number of children families choose to have has fallen.

What can be done? Children deserve to be born into homes and families that will love them with all of their hearts. A man deserves to have a wife who will respect him and be loyal to him. He deserves to feel loved and worthy of that love. A woman deserves to have a husband who is head over heels in love with her. She deserves to be taken care of and to be able to take care of those that she loves.

Families are the only places that these special experiences can exist. Families teach us to truly and deeply love others. Families teach us to forgive. Families teach us to be selfless and to take care of another in their need.

What can you do? Love your family. Be there for them. Love your friends who do not have a family. Be their family and show them what that really means.

Our world deserves more love. It deserves more selflessness. It deserves more forgiveness, more understanding. Our world needs more family. Everyone deserves to belong somewhere. 

Hello all! My name is Brianna Ausen and I LOVE family. I have been blessed to grow up in an incredible family with great parents. I am excited to be starting this journey with my husband as well. I know that family not only brings great joy, but it is an essential aspect to our personal growth and becoming more like Jesus Christ. I'm currently a junior studying at Brigham Young University-Idaho majoring in Marriage and Family. The things I am learning are touching my heart and I feel that they need be passed on to a world that is in desperate need of hope, light, and love.